


and nothing's wrong when nothing's true

by lesbians_harold



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, One Shot, i honestly dont even know what to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 18:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19381960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbians_harold/pseuds/lesbians_harold
Summary: She’s tired. So, so tired.Gathering her last strength, she pushes Catra off of her, and rolls around to pin her to the ground.She straddles Catra’s hips to make sure she can’t escape, and she holds the sword towards her, the tip of the blade tipping her chin up. Catra sneers, like she always does when Adora ends up on top of her, and Adora has a sense of deja vu – they’ve done this before. And it always ends up the same way.Catra will tell her she couldn’t go through with it, and she’ll be right, and as she lowers her sword, Catra will seize her chance and escape.As if on cue, she says: “You won’t do it. I know you, princess.” She spits the last word out like it’s poison, her voice filled with loathing. And it hurts – it hurts more than any scratching could.The sword is getting heavier in Adora’s hand, and her eyes sting, on the verge of tears from exhaustion. It feels like their fight has been going on forever, even if it couldn’t have been more than ten minutes…or three months.





	and nothing's wrong when nothing's true

**Author's Note:**

> this is a gift for [e-ellie](https://e-ellie.tumblr.com) on tumblr for [spop pride exchange](https://spop-pride-exchange.tumblr.com). you said catradora angst, so i hope you like it :))

 

Adora’s body is sore and her head is pounding. It’s been months since that first time she had to fight her best friend, and yet, she’s still unused to it and near tears each time. 

Catra leads her away from the others, as always, so she can have her on her own. How does Adora still fall for it? She knows it’s coming, every time, she knows, and yet –

Maybe there is a part of her that wants this. A part of her that desperately needs an excuse to be close to Catra, even if it’s while they tried to kill each other.

She’d never actually go through with it. And she’s pretty sure Catra wouldn’t either. Every time she gets the chance, she either runs away or gets “distracted” so Adora can defeat her.

Maybe it’s a sign. Maybe the universe is telling them they should stop fighting and make-up. But then again, the universe also chose her to be She Ra, and Catra to be Hordak’s second in command. Honestly, it wouldn’t be the first time it was contradicting itself.

Catra pounces on her, and the force of it snaps Adora out of her thoughts. They fall to the ground. Adora shoves a knee into Catra’s pelvis, who, in return, swipes for her face. Adora tries to block it with her arm, and Catra scratches her skin. The fresh wound stings in the cold air. 

It’s like a dance they’ve been practicing, Catra knows her next move, and Adora can predict hers. Catra makes another swipe for her, and Adora blocks her a little too late, causing another scratch from her claws, this time on her cheek. 

She’s tired. So, so _tired_.

Gathering her last strength, she pushes Catra off of her and rolls around to pin her to the ground.

She straddles Catra’s hips to make sure she can’t escape, and she holds the sword towards her, the tip of the blade tipping her chin up. Catra sneers, like she always does when Adora ends up on top of her, and Adora has a sense of deja vu – they’ve done this before. And it always ends up the same way. 

Catra will tell her she couldn’t go through with it, and she’ll be right, and as she lowers her sword, Catra will seize her chance and escape.

As if on cue, she says: “You won’t do it. I know you, _princess_.” She spits the last word out like it’s poison, her voice filled with loathing. And it hurts – it hurts more than any scratching could.

The sword is getting heavier in Adora’s hand, and her eyes sting, on the verge of tears from exhaustion. It feels like their fight has been going on forever, even if it couldn’t have been more than ten minutes…or three months.

But she has her lines, and they have to play this out according to the script. 

Her next line is “I would.” But in the moment, she’s too exhausted to resist the tiny voice in her head begging her to just end it already. So instead, she says:

“You’re right.”

Catra’s eyes widen. Her mouth trembles as if she’s about to say something, but she doesn’t.

Adora sighs and rolls onto the ground, as her transformation drops, and her body shrinks back to its normal size. Catra keeps lying where she is, dumbfounded by Adora’s words.

Adora lays the sword between them and takes her hands up to her face and drags them down her cheeks. She sighs deeply, exhaustion spilling through her voice as she says: “Fuck, I’m tired.”

That makes Catra snap out of it. She jumps to her feet and stands over her. “What are you _doing_?”

Adora peeps at her through a half-lidded eye. “What does it look like?”

Catra sounds almost insulted when she says: “Are you serious? You can’t – you can’t do that! We’re supposed to _fight_!”

“Well, I’m tired of fighting,” Adora snaps, eyes now fully open and looking at her.

“You –” Catra’s voice cracks, and if it weren’t for their situation, Adora would think it was cute.

“Can’t you just…lie with me for a minute?” Adora quirks a pleading brow at her.

A moment of silence, as Catra stands over her, the moon shining brightly behind her, making her hair form a halo around her head. Adora meets her firm gaze, and she is sure Catra is going to decline.

Catra surprises her when she says: “I – Fine.” She sighs, annoyed now as she lays down next to Adora again. The sword it the only thing between them now.

Adora watches the clouds drift by, and if she listens closely, she can almost hear the battle still playing out, just past the trees.

Catra had lured her away to the edge of the forest, into a field of green grass and flowers. If they weren’t fighting, Adora would think this was actually a very romantic place.

She tunes the battle sounds out and focuses on her own breathing. Her body and mind are aching, begging for rest. Well, now they’ve finally got it.

Without meaning to, she tunes into the sound of Catra breathing next to her. It’s almost as deep as her own, and Adora can’t help thinking that maybe, even though she’d never admit it, she’s just as tired of this as she is.

“Remind me why we’re doing this again?” Catra asks, her voice lacking the usual loathing it has when addressing Adora.

“Because,” Adora sighs and turns her head to look at the girl to her left, “I’m tired.”

Catra slowly turns her head and meets her gaze. Adora realizes that she hasn’t looked at her properly in the past three months. They’ve been closer than this when they’ve been fighting, but then, she was too busy, well, fighting, to notice the dark rings under Catra’s eyes, the small scratches and yellow bruises on her face, the small frown on her lips, and above all: the somber look in her eyes as she looked into Adora’s.

“Aren’t you tired, too?” Adora asks.

Catra turns her head away with a sigh. “Maybe.”

Adora watches her as she closes her eyes. Suddenly, she looks much more at peace than she did just a second ago. As if she’s actually enjoying their ‘time out.’

“Catra, I –”

“Don’t,” Catra cuts her off, eyes still closed. “Don’t ruin it.”

Adora turns her head and looks up at the sky again, as her heart races in her chest. There are so many things she wants to say, the words are right on the tip of her tongue. _Why didn’t you come with me? How are you? I miss you._

Instead, she says: “I’m sorry it had to end like this.”

Catra lets out a sigh and opens her eyes. She turns her head, and although her gaze is heated, her voice is jaded when she says: “You just had to ruin it, didn’t you?”

Something in her eyes, something soft and sad, something only reserved for Adora, makes her heart ache in her chest, and before she knows it, she’s saying the thing that has been on her mind since she left, since the very first night they were apart:

“I miss you.”

The corner of Catra’s mouth quivers, the way it always does when she’s upset, and Adora knows this, she knows all these small details about the girl lying next to her, and yet, it’s not enough. It never is.

“Don’t say that,” Catra’s voice cracks, as if she’s about to cry, but her eyes are dry.

“Why not? It’s true.” Adora inches closer and her leg hits the cold blade of the sword.

“Because, it doesn’t matter. In a minute or so I’ll go back to the Horde, and you’ll go back to the Rebellion, and when we meet again, we’ll have to fight.” Catra’s eyes are glossy as they look into Adora’s.

“But _why_?” Now Adora’s voice is cracking too.

“Because. That’s how it is.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” Adora dares to reach out and brush her hand against Catra’s.

At that, Catra’s eyes harden, and she yanks her hand away from Adora’s touch, as if she had burned her.

“You can’t do this,” she says, her face twisted in a pained expression.

Adora’s brows furrow. “What do you mean?”

“You can’t just put down the sword whenever you want to and pretend like everything is okay.” Her jaws clenches, and Adora knows it’s because she’s trying to stop herself from crying.

“That’s not what I –”

“No? Then what is this, exactly? What are we doing here, Adora?” Her voice is agitated, frantic, as she blinks the tears away.

“Catra…” Adora reaches out, but Catra slaps her hand away.

“Don’t touch me. You lost your permission to touch me the day you left me.” 

The loathing in her voice is back, and Adora’s stomach turns. She feels a quick flash of anger, and doesn’t think twice before she snaps: “And you didn’t come with me!” She sits up and looks down on her.

Catra’s eyes narrow as she props herself up on her elbow, but she doesn’t say anything. Adora continues: “I wanted you to come with me. I begged you! And instead, you turned your back on me.”

Adora can feel her eyes sting, but she doesn’t care. “You hurt my friends...You hurt _me_ !” she cries out. “And now, I have to fight my best friend, and every time it _hurts_ …” Adora can feel the tears stream down her cheeks and turns away to quickly dry them off with her hand.

Catra’s face in unreadable, but her voice is shaking when she says: “You think it didn’t hurt me too?” She sits up, turning her body towards Adora. “You think I didn’t hate the fact that my best friend left me to fight for the enemy, that she cared more about winning a stupid war than she did about me?”

Adora shakes her head. “It’s not like that at all. I just –” She looks up and meets Catra’s split eyes. A tear rolls down her tan cheek, but she doesn’t pay it any mind. Adora’s hand itches to reach out and dry it off.

“I just want to protect the people I care about. And that includes you.”

Catra’s jaw clenches. “But you didn’t.” Her voice is cold, but her eyes are somber.

Adora knows she’s talking about Shadow Weaver. They’ve had this conversation before.

“I know. And I’m sorry,” she says softly. 

Catra blinks, slowly, in thought.“You say that a lot, you know?” she says, her voice devoid of any emotion.

Adora opens her mouth to speak, but Catra continues. “I was never enough for you, was I? I never mattered to you, not the way you did to me.”

Adora wants to tell her how she mattered more to her than anyone else, how she still does.

“Catra –”

“Save it. It doesn’t matter now. We’re enemies, remember?”

Adora chews on her lip and swallows her words, as Catra lies down on the ground again.

Adora watches her for a moment. Catra meets her gaze through half-lidded eyes. “What?”

She shakes her head. “Nothing.” It’s a lie, they both know it is, but lately, it’s been easier lying to each other than telling the truth. Adora falls back on the ground.

She turns her head and looks at the sword, still lying between them. She grabs the handle and lifts it above her, arm stretched so she can see it. The blue gem twinkles knowingly at her.

A small sigh escapes her lips as she puts it down on her other side.

She turns her head to see Catra looking at her with furrowed brows. “Why did you do that?”

Adora shrugs. “I just didn’t want it to be between us anymore.”

“Why?”

Adora shrugs again. _It didn’t feel right._

For a moment, they just lie there, looking at the sky.

Adora taps her fingers restlessly on her stomach, and her head itches to turn and look at Catra again. Something big, and unnerving, settles in her stomach, and her breaths are shaky, uneven. Her mouth dries, and she suddenly becomes hyper-aware of Catra’s body next to her. She can’t stop the next words that come out of her mouth:

“Hey, Catra?”

Catra’s response is so quiet Adora barely hears her. “What now, Adora?”

“Do you–” Her voice cracks and she clears her throat before trying again: “Do you think we could’ve –” She cuts herself off. She can’t.

“Do I think we could’ve what?”

Adora finally turns her head to meet Catra’s wary gaze.

In the moment, Adora can’t help but notice how close they’re actually lying now, without the sword between them. She has her hands on her stomach, her elbow sticking out and mere inches from Catra’s middle.

Catra’s face is so close to hers that she can see each individual freckle, sprinkled across her cheeks, together with all the scratches and the healing bruises.

If Adora moved any closer, they would touch. If Adora moved any closer, if she tilted her head just a little, she could –

Adora tries to push the thought away, but she can’t control her eyes, and they linger on Catra’s lips, just a little longer than appropriate.

She swallows, hard, her tongue sticking against the roof of her mouth as she tries to finish the question: “Do you think, that if I had stayed, or if you had come with me, we could’ve–”

She meets Catra’s gaze, and her eyes are filled with anticipation.

“Yeah?”

Adora can feel her hot breath against her cheeks.

“Do you think we could’ve–” she trails off, as her eyes slide down to Catra’s lips again.

It’s hard to tell who finally closes the gap between them. Maybe they both lean in at the same time, gravitating towards each other, and their lips meet, a little too eagerly, their teeth clashing as their chests slam together, taking the air out of Adora’s lungs.

Her mind goes blank, she doesn’t think for the first time in months, only focusing on the way Catra grabs her arms, her nails digging into the fabric of her shirt, leaving marks on the skin under it, the way Catra sucks on her lower lip, her canines breaking the skin, making the kiss taste like iron. Adora lets out a grunt, and Catra presses closer, hands on her neck now.

And it’s screwed up, Adora knows it is, it’s rough and wrong, but it feels so _right_ –

Without warning, Catra breaks away, and Adora immediately misses the warmth of her mouth.

She opens her eyes and looks at her. Catra’s split eyes are wide, almost terrified.

“No. I can’t do this. Not like this,” she says, and getting up in one swift move.

Adora mirrors her and grabs her by the wrist as she starts to walk away.

“Catra, wait. It’s okay, I –”

Catra snatches her hand from her grip. “No, it’s not ‘okay’, Adora. _Nothing_ about this is ‘okay’!” Her brows furrow in anger, and she flashes her teeth as she speaks. 

Adora looks at her, mouth slightly agape.

“What?”

Catra lets out a dry laugh, but her eyes are somber when she says: “You don’t get it, do you?”

Adora shakes her head, as tears start running down her cheeks. “No, I –”

Catra scoffs. “Forget it.” She turns around and starts walking towards the forest.

“Catra, where are you going?” Adora cries after her.

“Away. From you, the Horde, the Rebellion – everything,” she shouts, not looking back at her.

Adora’s frozen in her spot as she watches her go. Her lips are still tingling from the kiss, and she traces her bottom lip with her fingertips to try and mimic the sensation. It doesn’t even come close to the real thing. 

She gazes down at her fingertips, now painted with blood from her lips, and hopes she’ll see Catra again.

**Author's Note:**

> a huge thanks to opal and savannah, as always, you guys are the best!


End file.
